get out and run like hell

4 September 2009

There is a daycare centre in the complex of office buildings where I work.  The complex of buildings sits within a neighbourhood of office buildings on the north-east end of the city adjacent to hwy 401 and the Don Valley Parkway.  Today I’m taking a little walk around this sea of concrete, absorbing a just a little bit of the gorgeous day. 

When I walk by the daycare, all the little kids are outside playing.  There is one little girl, about two, by herself at the outside fence attempting to climb it.  She keeps reaching for the fence links above her head and trying to pull herself up; but alas her little muscles aren’t quite strong enough yet.  Her face is scrunched up in determination, and she keeps trying. 

I think of the two of us dreaming of escape from this office-y world with its fluorescent lights and neutral carpets and in my mind I cheer her on: “C’mon go kid!  Try harder!  Get out and run like hell as fast as you can!”

Well, except for the two-year old part and her not being able to fend for herself beyond that fence yet part.  But you know what I mean.

big brains and meltdowns

27 August 2009

It’s 3:00 in the morning and I’m just home from the office and attempting to unwind with a tall can of Guinness and a blog post.  Me and the rest of this proposal team are pretty much at the end of our respective tethers after a marathon three weeks of putting this mother fu… monster together.  At various times over the past couple of days any one of us has been close to meltdown, and in the next hour talking a colleague off the ledge.

It’s a dichotomy, my job.  I get a great deal of satisfaction of teaming with a table full of big brains designing something that will further the success of our healthcare system.  And the feeling of getting a fine proposal out the door is akin to that which went with finishing all those papers and all those exams at the end of the winter semester.  On the other hand, it’s a wagonload of stress, particularly at the end when the baby is in my hands for the final letting go. 

Being able to survive write proposals makes you really popular with the people who sign your paycheque.  Especially when you win!  And they reward you with good raises and days off and lunches and stuff.  On the other hand, is all that worth the hours I’ve surely shaved off my life with the strain on my nervous system over the last week?

Tomorrow night is going to be a fun family and friends night down at the Molson Amphitheatre seeing Blue Rodeo and the Weakerthans.  And if I can sum up those last dregs of mental energy and bust my ass one more day, I can snag Friday off. 

Perhaps it’s one of those oh-so-human twists of logic, but the anticipated next couple of days will make that mother of all proposal submissions that much more satisfying.